In reply to Piestar (msg # 1):
I have three things to reply with, and these are not advice, just personal experience.
I went through this, and for me it was each phase. It may be permanent for you.
- I was unfulfilled with my other relationships. I wanted to date in my early twenties--which I know you're past but may apply to something else missing--and I found I was making an unconscious choice to pursue other social connections. At first I was very sad to miss missing it. I soon found romance, and for me that pursuit was deadended, but led to other relationships, which after being sated for my 2002 to 2006 years I came back to gaming. Hitting harder than ever.
- Upon coming back My RL was horrible, I was in an abusive household that I grew up and was still in my late twenties and I had to hear my gaming friends "badgering" me to cut off from my abusive family and focus on that task, and stop identifying gaming "as work". I had to get out of childhood into adult life home. The basement I was in was literal, and I had to get independence from abuse, and I needed to know MY RL was going to need work, but gaming had to be a relief 100%, not demand. I gamed, but only very select times and with people. It was very localized, but I had that wanderlust, like RPoL cut off. I missed it, but I needed unconsciously order my life.
- Years later I'd meta hardcore gaming group, 72 hours solid each week we'd roleplay. I was enjoying life to its fullest, and opportunities arrised in abundance. I had a game every single day, and had to turn down games I would have loved to play. Among this, I was cooking for my roommate and I. I was invited to play basketball at a court. I was invited by former church friends go out to eat, as old friends. I was heading straight for brick wall rather than slowly getting caught it tar. A 72 preplanned weekend came I starting dreaading it. In 2 hours I started to pick it apart. I really had an existential crisis whether anything meant anything. Like basic "does anything have purpose" in "Getting XP to kill stuff to take its stuff, to get more XP" and applying this as universal state. The fact, I realized only two months later, was I needed to cut the daily gaming, and keep the weekly gaming, and enjoy the life I was offered. It took hard work to get my 72 hour group to forgive me, but we got back to it. It took some of my other groups feeling I burned a bridge, just by not being available.
- Life so good, I hadn't the time to enjoy everything. I had to moderate gaming, even though I loved it, it was a weed that while healthy, prevented other fleeting flowers from blooming. I would have mistaken it for negative feeling, but it was the opposite (for me). I just had my first big plate of all intellectuals' discovery, the reality of living and dying means even if I love gaming, and really truly wanted nothing else; I nmor anyone will live long enough to do it all. Not possible. Gaming also wasn't worth losing basketball, eating out, cooking extravaGANT dinners, playing cards...etc. So life was so good gaming took a sudden hit but got back on the road in two months,
- When Covid was nearing my 72 hour a week group was seeing one member married (to someone outside the group) another seeing weekly commutes and his kids being teenagers. A member disappeared, who was much younger, died of Covid only to rock our group. It was, and still is surreal, "what do we do with his character" was the only way, even now, that I process that. WE were meeting online as a group, but in two short years, 2019 the group went from six strong to 2021 having what I think of as the last supper. For my birthday they all got together and we gamed a few hours weekly, but it was clear gaming was not what my friends were after anymore, with me.
- I became homeless in February of 2022 and found a home in April 2023. Life was at its worst. So I played a lot of video games when I had roof and electricity. My roommate stayed with me, and I didn't want to RP, even though she was the only member of that 72 hour group that remained. I lost so much, and wanted to focus on what I did have.
So I request you examine three aspects, before concluding what gaming is to you in terms forthcoming. Is your RL demanding of work? If your RL abundant with leisure opportunity gaming prevents? Is your RL lacking a pursuit of something you want?
If all of these are no, than you've at least gotten to eliminate that it's something else. Which won't help you. If it's one of these things, I won't give advice, but just let you see how I handled each of these, my way, for myself.
Good luck with whatever comes. Even if it's boredom, which if you gamed since the 70's you've probably ruled out, boredom is how creativity feeds. WE, people, need boredom to lightning flash. Passive thinking, not active brainstorming. I hope you find solace in suffering, savor good things, or just pursue outward otherwise peripheral interests rediscovered. Maybe this is chapter a book always meant to be leading to another but...the author just isn't interested anymore. If you come back, RPoL will almost certainly be here. If you don't, I wish you well. Also don't forget you can come back to RPoL, even just to CC, to let us know. The gain of having the "ONE account" is it doesn't expire. The mods also see people take breaks, some disappear to never (yet) return. Jaguar (if I may name them) returned but forgot all his credentials. He knew he couldn't just alt an account, and through however the mods and he worked, they got his one account back. His user name, his password, all that was freed to him. So if you come back, and forgot your user name or password, and don't remember the e-mail, contact the mods. I'd also suggest you post a new CC thread saying goodbye and put some clues you can find later, maybe years later, to help you remember, even if you think you won't need to, you may, to at least have user name to work with the mods, should you return at all, to get your password and e-mail.
Best wishes!
